Thoughts Running/Biking/Swimming Through My Mind

The idea for this post came to me on a run the other day.  That is one of the many things I love so much about running: I use the time to think creatively about the blog, come up with ideas for posts, solve work problems, put together outfits, etc. all peppered with tons of other steam of conscious experiences along the way.  I thought it might be fun to share what goes through my mind when I'm training in each of the three triathlon sports.  So here goes.  Here's what is going on in that mind of mine.  

* Swim * 

{note: that's not me below}

one-two-three Breathe; one-two-three Breathe; one-two-three Breathe; one-two-three Breathe; one-two-three Breathe; one-two-three Breathe; ooh, another swimmer in the lane next to me; one-two-three Breathe; I hope the swimmer makes waves so it feels kind of like a competition; one-two-three Breathe; light kick light kick turn the hips turn the hips; God I really need to learn how to flip turn; one-two-three Breathe; I hope my new Garmin 910 really is waterproof; close your eyes don't look at the line under the water pretend you're in a lake one-two-three Breathe; oh someone is sharing my lane;  one-two-three Breathe this is good, I need the person to kick water in my face one-two-three Breathe; did I hear a whistle? no, it's fine one-two-three Breathe; these goggles are fogging up; that's ok, embrace the fog, pretend you're in a lake,  one-two-three Breathe; this is useless you know you're in a pool; I can't wait until the 50 meter pool opens I feel like I am constantly turning  one-two-three Breathe; don't push off the sides, you can't push off the sides in the open water; one-two-three Breathe; ooh what will I eat when I am done? one-two-three Breathe; ok ok look at the watch how many meters have been swimming? Crap, not enough  one-two-three Breathe  one-two-three Breathe  one-two-three Breathe.

via

* Bike *

Clip in right clip in left ok let's go. WOW this is so fast.  This is so much faster than running.  I am flying!  FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG.  Why do I like running so much more than biking? Biking is great. Biking is easy. Biking is fast.  Oh boy a hill - up I go.  Don't get out of the saddle.  Be strong.  Put it in gear.  Move those legs.  Don't get out of the saddle. You can do it. Don't get ... ok fine get out of the saddle.  wuss.   Yay you did it but now OMG downhill.  Clench your teeth.  You will be OK.  Don't ride the back brake. Be brave. You will be OK.  Make up time and speed. You're wussing out.  You're on the back brake.  You are a horrible biker and a wimp.  You need to get over your fear of downhills.  Yay a nice even flat area.  OMG runners. For the love of God, runners, get over to the side! You are taking up the entire trail. I *never* do that when I am running.  Hmmm, I wonder what I will eat when I'm done the bike ride. Could I really do 112 miles of this in an Ironman?  I'm tired of the bike.  Blerg.  No more bike.  I want to run.  Although, wow, those runners look hot and like they are going so slow.  I like that I am moving so fast.  My butt hurts.  

* Run * 

Don't start too fast.  Start slow.  When you feel like you're going slow, go slower.  OK, good pace.  Yay.  Oh look a bird.  Oh wait a plane.  "union's been on strike he's down on his luck it's tough ... so tough."  AGH 8:10 pace that is too fast for mile 1 slow the heck down. Car - I see you car, give me space.  thank you.  "she cries in the night and tommy whispers it's okaaaaay someday".  I have to finish that agreement today.  Must get it out the door.  Oh what about a blog post on my favorite running blogs.  Yes.  OMG everything is blooming and looks so pretty!  Wait did I take my allergy pill? I can't remember ... no.  Agh, ok remember to take one when I ... dog.  Big dog.  Ok dog is on a leash.  Owner is holding dog.  Thank you owner.  I smell bacon and eggs.  I hate it and love it when I can smell people's breakfasts.  What should I eat when I'm done?  eggs? mmm, eggs.  Oh wow, a herd of deer.  careful. slow ... hi deer ... don't trample me.  Is it a herd? Is that the right word? Herd? Flock? Gaggle?  Isn't a group of one kind of animal called a murder? That is crazy.  Oh no, the big bad hill is coming.  no no no enjoy the downhill now. enjoy it. don't get all upset about the hill.  What's this song? No, not in the mood for George Michael  - fast forward; no, no Beat It - fast forward; no, no Mumford - fast forward. Captain and Tenille? Yes.  Love will keep us together.  What socks am I wearing? Oh, the thicker Balaga.  I think my headband is sitting funny on my head.  "Some sweet talkin girl comes along singin her song ..." What about a post on birth? Is that too much?  Maybe not the kids' birth stories, but birth in general.  Oh, and the gross aspects of running.  What's my pace? 8:15 that's good for mile 4, keep going.  OMG bikers.  Slow down and don't get so close to me!  I am running on the side of the trail.  Come on guys, single file.  I *never* do that when I am biking.  Oh almost home.  The last mile is the best always.  Hungry.  Oh I want some Sprite.  Yes.  Sprite on ice.  

In short, I spend most of my time in the water reminding myself to breathe; most of my time on the bike wishing I were running and most of my time running singing along with music and thinking random thoughts.  What about you? If you swim bike or run what goes through your mind? 

Happy weekend!


See you swoon,

I don't know nothin bout birthin babies

{wherein I wax poetic about birth}

Oh yeah.   By a show of hands, who among us mommies felt *exactly* like Prissy in Gone With The Wind when in labor?  Yes ... all of us.  You're pregnant for 9+ months.  This is not enough time to prepare for childbirth.  And frankly even if you had the gestational period of an elephant (I googled it: it's two years holy crow), you would not be prepared when it's go time.  Birthing is unpredictable, incredible, scary, wonderful, painful, empowering, bewildering, passionate, difficult, primal, quiet, loud ... birth is, as I just demonstrated, a mixed bag of paradoxes.  

with Big on his birthday

I've birthed two babies and I did so naturally without drugs.  I did this by choice.  And, frankly, I don't care or judge if anyone does it differently.  Birth is a moment - a nanosecond - in the span of motherhood.  It is important, and I am not discounting that.  But it is just the beginning.  Now that I have an almost-7 and almost-5 year old, I look back at birth and realize that was the easy part. That said, I wouldn't trade my birthing experiences for anything in the world.  When I think back to the flash bulb moments of my most amazing, incredible life moments, top of the heap, without question or hesitation, were the days my babies were born.  Or rather, the days I birthed my babies.  I'm taking charge of that sentence and making it active and not passive.  Because anyone who has been through childbirth knows birthing is active. 

When I got pregnant with my son back in 2005, I honestly hadn't given any thought to birth.  I kind of assumed I'd get an epidural, have the baby, that would be that.  I was struck by how many women immediately shared their horror stories of birth, recovery and breastfeeding with me when I said I was pregnant.  My dear sweet friend Julia, whose close family friend is a pretty famous lamaze teacher and author, sent me a few books on natural childbirth, including Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth.  To say I read them is an understatement.  I devoured those bad boys.  For the first time, I saw the empowering, positive stories of birth.  Ina May's book turned birth, and my feelings about birth, on its head for me.  And I, the decidedly uncrunchy girl, decided I would have a natural childbirth ... or at least try.

with Little on her birthday

The more I read, the more I was convinced a natural birth was for me.  In fact, the more I read, the more I was convinced a midwifery practice at a birthing center was for me.  But, my husband was leery of this and worried about what could happen if things did not go as planned.  And while I wanted to convince him otherwise, I realized that was not fair.  He had an equal say, and I wanted to consider his feelings and his concerns.  He was on board - 100% - with my plans to have a natural, non-medicated birth.  But he really wanted it in a hospital.  Our hospital had a great reputation ... but a 96% epidural rate and something like a 30% c-section rate.  Those numbers concerned me.  

A friend of mine from college is a midwife, so I talked to her.  She strongly suggested I consider working with a doula.  I had no idea what a doula was.   A doula is, quite frankly, amazing.  Lifesaver. She is, for lack of a better description, a labor coach for the entire process: physical, spiritual, emotional.  Not just for the birthing mama, but for her partner too.  I worked with the same doula for both of my babies' births and I truly cannot imagine doing it without her.  My husband was incredible during my kids' births.  But I also needed that support of a woman who has not only helped many other women before me birth their children, but a woman who has birthed children herself.  My doula also taught natural childbirth classes, which were weeks long but so helpful.  In hindsight, there is *nothing* you can do to prepare you for birth.  It is really a mix of luck, confidence, support, love, and instinct.  

At home with Big: 3 weeks old

I lucked out with both babies that they were positioned properly in my pelvis.  I also lucked out that the nurses on duty were, for the most part, supportive of my decision to labor without drugs.  This is key.  If you are in a hospital where 96% of the women get epidurals, you will be the one loud woman.  And I will tell you: I was loud.  Loud like LOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Yes, like that.  Loud.  You need support too.  Your partner needs to be behind you.  I know my husband hated to see me struggle and in pain, and I will tell you that it was pain like I have never experienced, but he knew it was important to me and therefore it was important to him.  He supported me and pushed and did what he could to help.  And my doula.  She was there to reassure me and to reassure him and to intervene when needed with the nurses and to step back when needed.  She was my calming voice, my little angel to remind me that yes it hurt, yes it was hard, yes it's supposed to be hard, but you're doing great, you're doing it.  

I remember - vividly remember - birthing my kids.  That's the thing about natural childbirth: your endorphins may be on overdrive but you are aware of what the heck is happening.  I had calm moments.  I had hard moments.  I had completely out of my gourd moments.  But I remember them all. I remember strange things like the clock on the wall during Little's birth -- it said 11:15 and I had just had a contraction and I knew, having been through it before, that the contractions had to get a lot more intense and a lot closer together and I remember thinking (and probably saying) mother f*ck.  That's another thing: I cursed a lot during birth.  Yes, it was spiritual and amazing, but ok, honestly, it hurts.  I remember during Big's birth when we arrived at the hospital I had a huge contraction right in front of the hospital doors and some nice man asked if I was OK and I held up my hand and said, "SHHHHHHH" as I worked through the contraction.  Man: if you are out there, I am sorry.  

At home with Little: 3 weeks old

I remember the one thing I never read anything about was pushing and what it felt like or how you knew it was time.  I assure you: you will *know* when it is time to push.  It is unmistakable.  With Big, I pushed for almost 2 hours.  With Little, it was about 15 minutes.  With Big, I hated pushing.  I felt helpless and tired and I just wanted someone else to help me.  With Little, I was RAY TO GO and wanted her out.  It's funny how differently things worked out.

I heard a lot of analogies to birthing and marathons - that birth is much like a marathon: you need to pace yourself, it takes a while, you need to learn how to handle pain on top of pain.  I've done both twice: two marathons and two babies.  Birth is nothing like a marathon.  A marathon is a cakewalk compared to birth, only because during a marathon you know, in the very back of your mind where you would never admit to anyone, that you could walk, you could stop, you could drop out, you could go home.  It's your safety net.  With birth, no such safety net exists.  You have no choice: that baby is coming and s/he is coming out of you. Whether you like it or not, whether you're exhausted or not, that baby is coming like an unstoppable rebel force (thank you Meet the Parents for that phrase).  

For that reason, and for many others, I don't think it's fair to compare birth to anything.  Birth is its own activity, its own event.  It is unique and wonderful and amazing. It is what connects us as mothers and as women.  More accurately, the moment we hold our baby for the first time: THAT is the moment that connects us as mothers and women.  I don't care how your baby arrives: whether you birthed the baby naturally at home or in a hospital, whether you had an epidural, whether you had a c-section, whether you adopted a newborn or an infant or a toddler or a preschooler -- that moment where you look into your baby's eyes and she looks into yours ... that is when you become a mother.

Little's first day home

In any event, natural childbirth was the right choice for me.  It was hard.  Very hard.  But, birth isn't supposed to be easy.  It is the ultimate exercise in listening to, respecting, and obeying your body.  There were moments when I truly thought I could not go on, and yet, I don't recall ever thinking I should stop and get an epidural.  After the birth, I felt amazing.  Euphoric.  And starving.  I will tell you ... I can recount with excruciating detail the first meals I had after both babies were born. The hospital food was incredible.  Haha.  And after we were home and life began as a mother, when I was struggling with adjusting to the monumental change that life takes when you become a parent, thinking back to the births helped me through many a dark day.  

I have my babies on my mind: their birthdays are coming up soon.  It is hard to believe that it will be 7 years since Big was born and 5 since Little was born.  To everything turn turn turn ...

See you swoon,

What I Wore {part v}

Good morning!  I hope you had a great weekend.  

Here is another recap of what I wore recently.  I love sharing!

* Blue Dress *

I bought this dress about a year ago ... around February 2012.  I found it in NY & Co. at the mall, and I can't remember the price but I am pretty sure it was less than $50 on sale.  They had it in navy blue and this bright cobalt.  At first I really wanted it in navy blue, but they did not have my size, so I tried on the cobalt and was sold - immediately - when I put it on.  I love everything about this dress: the cut, the color, the fit, the length.  It is my go-to dress for day.  I keep accessories very simple when I wear it, simply because it does not need much.  

* Burberry Skirt & Black Sweater *

My Burberry skirt was a splurge back in the Summer of 2005.  I had finally dug myself out of debt and wanted to celebrate.  So I took myself to Burberry in Philly and paid for this skirt on my debit card.  I wore it all of one time that Summer before I promptly got pregnant and couldn't wear it again for a good long time.  I love the bias cut of the plaid.  It is a classic and I love it.  I pair it with a very fitted crew-neck sweater from Banana Republic from a few years ago.  Pearls and a bun and taupe patent heels complete the look. 

* Printed Cardigan & Taupe Pencil Skirt *

I told you I love my pencil skirts!  It's definitely my favorite silhouette for me.  I was feeling Spring, so I wore my taupe pencil skirt (from the Limited, last Winter) with a stem green tank and a printed green cardigan from Target, Summer 2011.  I also wore my brand new open toe heels, which I found in the clearance section of Famous Footwear for $10.  They're not as comfortable as I would like just yet, but hopefully I can break them in this Spring. 

Care to see what else I've been wearing? Here's a handy round-up right here.  I'd love to hear what you've been wearing or wanting to wear!  And if you have any suggestions for me, shoot 'em my way.  

See you swoon,

The End of Stairwell Plinko

Happy Friday!

One thing about my home that I'm really not crazy about is the stair situation.  The staircase is in the middle of the house and very open - the stairs are backless themselves (there is no way I'd feel safe with an infant or toddler on these steps) and the actual stair case is pretty open.

My kids love to stand at the very top of the staircase and drop toys and stuff all the way down.  It's like Plinko from The Price Is Right.  I do not like Stairwell Plinko.  I like Bob Barker Plinko only.

I also need more storage upstairs.  I don't really have a linen closet, and I need a place to store the kids' beach towels and extra blankets.  This spot in the hall is perfect for a little chest: something for two functions: (1) storage and (2) ending Stairwell Plinko. 

I was at IKEA last weekend and found exactly what I wanted: the Aspelund chest with 2 drawers.  It was on sale for $70.  I could have stalked Craigslist for a dresser and painted it, but this one was the exact color, size and style that I want ... not to mention I have a huge list of painting projects and did not want to add to it.  So ready-made was the way to go.  Here is the chest.

It took less than an hour to put it together.  And here it is in the hall!  

I need to get picture frames for the top and something to sit next to it (maybe a basket? maybe something else?  I don't know), but I am happy with this little upgrade.  

See you swoon,

What I Wore {part iv}

Good morning!  Here's more of what I wore.  I love sharing these with you and am excited to see when people comment!  

* Floral Blouse & Chevron Skirt*

This was a bit of a risk and I'm still not sure that it worked.  I found this floral blouse at Target and fell in love.  I've seen it all over the blogs, too.  I really wanted a black and white striped skirt to pair it with - I wanted the stripes to be wide and horizontal.  I couldn't really find one, but I did find this chevron skirt at Old Navy and it was on sale for $12!  It was "dark night" which is actually a deep navy, not a true black.  I wore it with my brown riding boots.  

* Grey Sweater Dress with Brown Accessories*

I wore this sweater dress (which I bought on sale at Old Navy this Winter) already with black boots and a funky necklace.  I knew I wanted to try it with brown, so on a cold March day, I did just that.  I wore my tall riding boots and a wide brown belt.  I liked the way this turned out.  

* Ombre Cardigan, Magenta Top & Belt, Black Pencil Skirt *

If you haven't been able to tell, I am in love with belts.  I wear them all the time: wide ones, skinny ones, fabric ones, sashes ... I love them all.  I dug out my black pencil skirt (very old - I think it's from the now defunct Petite Sophisticate), my magenta cotton top from Banana from last year, and an ombre cardian from j.crew from 2010.  I wore my black boots and a magenta belt that I got on crazy sale at Ann Taylor after Christmas.  I think the belt was $5.  I rolled my shirt sleeves over the sleeves of the cardigan for a pop of more color. This outfit made me feel good. 

That's three!  Three vonderful outfits! ah ah ah.  Happy day today ... what better way to start than with a quote from the Count?

See you swoon,